that I’ve been a little quiet lately. So, Where have I been? On a journey… a new one… and for me, it’s a scary one.
I don’t think I’ve ever completely let go and allowed God quiet space long enough to reveal why i do the things I do. Why i think the way I think. I’ve never completely surrrendered the solution of my condition fully to Him. In fact, this last one is still really hard for me.
For two years now, God had been whispering about this… come… be… rest… align. That is all He’s calling me to do, not all the many other things we put on ourselves. You may have recognized this on some of my past posts. Well, let’s just say I’m a little stubborn. It took a relaspe (returning to an old place) for me to fully listen.
Rest. I desperately needed it! In my perfectionistic need to be on the works wagon and live up to the authoring, publishing and leading of a minstry on top of being a wife and mom; I wore myself down. Physically, emotionally and spiritually. Utter depletion about sums it up.
I was struggling and I was tired of hearing, you should read your own book … I was tired of being tired. Tired of searching for God’s presence, only to feel empty even when I knew He was there all along.
What happened? How did I get here? Better yet, how did I return to this place?
- I received prayer at church and what followed was hope, healing was on its way.
- I described what I was I feeling to a friend and what followed was truth in five words — “That’s what sabbaticals are for.” In that moment I “gave myself permission” to stop, rest and heal – take a sabbatical – and I instantly began to feel relief from my self-induced prison to perform.
- I scrolled through Instagram and a quote by @DarrinPatrick jumped out at me “The Word of God is meant to be a treasure of the heart instead of a tool for ministry.” What followed was revelation. That’s exactly what had happened to me!
Somewhere along the journey, I started seeing God as my boss instead of my Heavenly Father.
I would begin my day spending some time with Him, but would quickly feel inspired and jump right into ministry. Time became scarce and out of it’s lack (let’s not kid ourselves, this is really just pride), I eventually begin skipping our Daddy/daughter dates so I could “get things done.”
Do, do do… i have to keep doing… living this way is truly exhausting.
Would you believe that creating time to soak in the Word and rest in His presence just became one more overwhelming “to do” instead of respite… receiving true rest? How did my thinking become so backwards… again?!?!
“The thief comes to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it to the full.” John 10:10
God is always whispering, rest…rest in Him. Learning and receiving this is living life to the full.
Rest. Why is this simple task so hard to find, and then maintain?
- It is always permissible, so give your give yourself permission too.
- It is highly recommended, so make it a priority.
- It is a simple act, so stop listening to the world’s ways instead of the Fathers.
Well, here we are 30+ days into my journey
Yes, it’s still a little scary, because I want to be “fixed” right now and I’m not there yet…but, let’s be honest, I will not fully be (nor will you) until Jesus returns…so let’s just throw off our “fixed” masks and be real right where we are.
I’ve got a lot to learn. I need to be patient and focus on my healing for now. Because in order to share what I learn and go through, I must first go through and learn.
Are you in performance mode? Feeling depleted? Is God whispering rest? Are you listening? Will you give yourself permission too? Don’t wait any longer. Join me as God does a new thing!
- Let’s recognize the need for rest – true rest.
- Let’s humble ourselves and learn what it really looks like.
- Let’s help each other by sharing our experiences and what we are learning.
I’d love to hear from you!